Happy Birthday to Aelfwine! October 15, 2001
(You will probably be getting this on St. Audry’s Day- the
17th, when they had they had a famous fair at St. Ives where they
sold cheap trinkets, from which we get our word “tawdry”. It’s
also the Asatru festival of Hengist, celebrating, for some
reason, the Saxon invasion of England. Talk about any excuse for
a party.)
It must be “Indian Summer”, this week the temperature has
been in the sixties or higher- even during the rain the last
couple of days, and not going below fifty at night. We’ve had to
open the house again- at least some windows. We’ve had the front
door open a lot to enjoy the gorgeous weather. This HAS been
complicated a bit by “Ladybug Day” which happened this week. Just
as the swallows return to Capestrano, at some esoteric inner
urging, there is always a day in the fall when the entire
southern wall of the house is swarming with ladybugs (looking for
a snug crack to crawl into and there spend the winter). This
wouldn’t be so annoying if they didn’t come inside as well, and
if you touch one (pick it up to take it outside), they smell bad,
and the stink gets on your hands. For reasons I haven’t
discovered, but has happened every year since we first imported
the ladybugs, they seem to love to congregate on the light pull
for the upstairs bathroom- which one can notice when turning the
light OFF, but when you go into the darkened room, you often end
up with a hand full of crushed bugs. Another weird side effect of
this invasion is that the Sesame Street song “Ladybug Picnic” has
been brought up into our front brains a LOT this week.
The color is gorgeous- I have no idea if it’s “peak” or not,
there are still a lot of green trees, but there are also a lot of
bright red ones. (One is right behind the barn, so I can admire
it while I milk.) Another thing I’ve been admiring is our new
bunnies, as the latest batch has reached that ultimately cute
stage where they are still tiny (smaller than beanie babies), yet
hopping out of the nesting box and beginning to explore their
cage. We still have a few lonely purple cone flowers, and one of
Willow’s rose bushes has a bud.
We had a bit of pointless misery during the week. When we
picked Kat up from dance practice, she’d been cut from the dance
squad- kept on as an alternate, but to rub salt in the wound, the
director AT THAT VERY MEETING when she’d bumped Kat and one other
girl, recruited one of the girls who was sitting and watching the
practice to the team. There is nothing you can say to make a
situation like that not hurt. Apparently Kat’s very good at the
moves, but watches the other girls too much rather than looking
at the audience, and doesn’t stay on count as well as she should.
At the next practice Kat says she overheard the coach say that
Kat was the best dancer, if she’d only stop watching the other
girls so much. That allowed me to tell her that maybe she’d get
moved up to the performing group if she could work on that
problem. Hope is good.
At the same time, I was wondering if that was just an
excuse and she really got bumped because I’d objected to the cost
of the uniforms. Last year they got matching outfits from
Walmart, and they cost about $50- and they wore them to the
competition last fall, then in the spring they had to get NEW
outfits (probably because some of the girls had lost theirs) for
the spring performance. This year Mel (the director) wanted to
get “good” outfits from Danskin- at about $100 a pop. I object to
spending that kind of money for something they are only going to
wear once. Mel has said that since neither of us is working, Kat
could get a scholarship for hers, and I had to wonder if maybe
this didn’t have something to do with her getting downgraded to
alternate. After all, how many hot-dogs can they have sold at the
apple festival?
Anyway, after much misery and tears, Mel called last night
and said that Kat’s back on the team. One of the other girls hurt
her knee. Kat’s feeling a bit exultant, and a bit guilty, because
it’s the girl who was always giving her a hard time. I told her
not to worry about it, you can’t help how you feel- only not to
gloat in public. I’m a bit tweaked though, because they are
having an extra practice today, and I’d wanted to have an early
dinner for Aelfwine’s birthday. (Mostly because we are ALL so
beastly tired. The sun doesn’t come up until after 7, and no
matter how early we get to bed, we keep sleeping in until almost
6:30, which is hard when Kat’s bus comes at 7:05.)
Willow and I have wrapped all AElfwine’s presents- except
the table saw which is already set up in the shop, and we will be
having Roast Beef, Yorkshire Pudding, and Black Magic Cake, and
Dan’s coming up (Brad’s working tonight). We’ve got him some of
the Harry Potter themed Lego because even when you are 48, you
should have toys. And also the broom and shovel he’d been
wanting. I DO understand that tools to do what you want to do are
wonderful things, but it always feels to me like when I give him
a tool, it’s an implicit request that he do work (for me), and of
course, sometimes it is. (remember the table saw)
He has spent all his spare time in the shop this week,
organizing it and doing small projects. It’s really getting much
more useful, and he’s very excited about it. I figure once he
gets about halfway through some major project, then he’ll get a
job offer he likes.
Willow is still recovering from her over energetic summer.
Last week she said “I’m sleepy, and grumpy, at least I’m not any
of the others!” This morning, caught in the middle of a sneezing
attack, she moaned: “Now I’m another dwarf!” Actually, I think
she’s coming down with a cold. When she got Chronic Fatigue
Syndrome, she stopped getting colds. She’s had three in the last
eleven years- each one when we did something to try and enhance
her immune system. This past week she’s been taking an herbal
combination to help flush toxins from her system (in a desperate
attempt to try to stop the basic Chronic Fatigue symptoms of
pain, fatigue, mental fog, hot flashes, etc. Now she’s getting
cold symptoms. Our theory is that usually the CFIDS has her
immune system just shut off, and treating it turns it on again,
at which point, she starts getting symptoms, probably from her
allergies, which she has as much as her sibs do. She can’t win.
Oh, remember Kat’s throne of Artemis project? When we went
to school the other night, I saw it in one of the display cases
with five other thrones (which leads me to believe that it was
one of the six best in the class). You go girl! We were at the
school because in her civics class she was assigned to go to a
couple of public meetings, and they were having one for “Best
Schools”, a group where parents, students, and teachers come up
with suggestions for improving the school. The theme of this one
was homework. They were scheduled for covering homework and
scheduling (and Kat REALLY wanted to point out that there wasn’t
enough time to get to one’s locker between classes), but the home
work discussion took so long that scheduling was put off until
next week. So Kat wants to go back for that one. One of the
parents complained that, quite aside from the hours of homework,
the kids had too many books to carry. Aelfwine notes that the
middle school lockers are about a quarter the size of the high
school lockers (probably on the theory that they don’t have as
many books (don’t have as many classes in the same number of
hours? ) or that their out clothing is less bulky? Think people!
He thinks that this may have a lot to do with all the articles
we’ve seen about how the Middle School kids carry backpacks that
are too heavy and are hurting themselves. Well, maybe if they
were given sufficient locker space, and sufficient time to get to
the lockers between classes, and maybe lockers big enough to
leave the back-packs in during the day, they wouldn’t be carrying
35 pounds of books around all day. Duh! Sadly, no opportunity to
check that theory came up. I WAS pleased to be able to say that
I really don’t think much of any homework that is there simply
for the purpose of instilling “discipline” in the kids. (I was
especially pleased to hear the groundswell of other parental
voices supporting that opinion.) I think I may keep going to
those meetings- if I get the impression that they have any
impact.
Aelfwine and I also went to the first meeting of the
Lyndeboro Festival Committee. Not much happened, as it wasn’t
well publicized and only six people showed (including us). There
were twice that many who signed up for it, I really think that
once the Lyndeboro Newsletter comes out people will know about
more of these events. As a self-congratulatory sidebar to that, I
remembered at six that I’d said I’d bring refreshments to the
meeting (at 7). So I whipped up a quick batch of brownies and a
couple trays of madelines (which are fast, and always impress
people), while Aelfwine cut up some cheese tid-bits and apple
slices. Luckily, I’d made a big pot of chili which had been
simmering in the crockpot all day, so I didn’t have to make
dinner at the same time. Kat could have gone to that meeting, but
having watched (and smelled) the madelines come out, preferred to
stay home and make some with non-wheat flour. We also called and
signed up for the Fireman’s Auxiliary. They put out a flier at
Citizen’s Hall, with a contact number. They are the ones who do
the Tree Lighting with Santa, and the Easter Egg Hunt, and since
last year are doing the Haunted House. I’d meant to join since we
moved here, but always thought it was only for the families of
the the volunteer firemen. (AElfwine tried to join back when we
first moved here, but they only take people who work in town so
they can come whenever the alarm goes off.)
We had Dennis over for supper on , and Steve came up on
Saturday for his birthday. We gave him the Harpers CDs, and had
Roast Beef (it’s VERY hard to improve on a good roast for
dinner). Allyn didn’t come this time. He’s back from visiting his
girlfriend who needed some support- her mother has just been
diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I keep reminding myself when it’s
one in three of us getting it, I shouldn’t be surprised. But I
always am. Kathy Nahass is back in scarfs again (meaning that the
chemo has made her hair fall out again). She says that she
doesn’t mind that, but most of the time she’s so tired she has a
hard time keeping from crying. I’ve been there off and on, it
must be absolutely awful knowing that it could be for the rest of
your (abbreviated) life. She is one of the best teachers I have
ever seen. Watching her helping a student work through a problem
at the board while the other kids are out at lunch is one of the
most inspiring things I’ve ever seen. Some people have just found
what they should do in life, and she’s one of them. So much of
the first part of our life is spent looking for what we should be
doing, then learning how to do it, it seems so horrible to be cut
short when we are finally gotten to the point where we are doing
it, and doing it well!
Tuesday we went down to the North Shore Music Theatre and
saw Zorba. It was OK, but not as good as the production I saw in
Boston in the late sixties. I’d had great hopes for it, since
they usually do the dance shows well, and had done such a
fantastic job with Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
(and Peter Pan, last year). But Zorba requires an incredible
energy, especially shown through the music and dancing that
conveys that no matter how horrible the EVENTS of your life are,
that the simple joy of living overrides the misery of the moment.
Sadly, this production failed in that. Pity. We are still going
to go to next years season: they are having Footloose, and the
Wizard of Oz which should be good, but we aren’t going to get the
more expensive seats- maybe for the 2003 season.
Star stayed home and milked the goats and fed Fitz. He
really doesn’t like the theatre. This week he actually remembered
to give me the packet for school pictures, and so did Kat (hers
are tomorrow) so this year we may actually have some. Let me know
if you want a copy. He’s still doing great in French- his talent
for memorization and mimicry which until now we only got to see
in his quoting long passages from various movies has now found a
useful outlet.
The UPS truck just came, and delivered the replacement power
supply! If AElfwine can install it quickly enough, (and there’s
nothing else wrong with that computer) I may be able to send this
letter out on our computer. If not, I’ll have Willow distribute
it again. Then I guess I should do some backing up, eh? Last week
we got a replacement mouse for the I-Mac, so Aelfwine has been
able to handle his mail through that one.
Me, I’ve mostly been cleaning and sorting the attic
(especially when he was doing the same in the shop). I’ve
actually pulled out a bunch of cloth that I can identify as some
that I’ll probably never get around to using, and I’m giving that
away. I’ve sent two bins of old clothes to the recycling center.
I think part of that is that we have gotten fussier than we used
to be about what we consider reasonable to wear. At least Kat is.
A lot of what we’d saved was stuff that had been Diana’s and
Elizabeth’s when they were her size. Some of it I think is
beautiful, and some, I think, leaves me wondering “What were we
thinking?”. Aelfwine has about 40 perfectly good T shirts, and
why throw away something that’s perfectly good. I’ve got about a
dozen perfectly good sets of jeans (mostly thanks to Lisa) which
I only wear when gardening – probably a decade’s supply. I’ve
even sorted out some of our old Christmas stuff to get rid of.
Liz, from down the street, offered to help me clean recently, but
I told her that the key was being willing to give stuff up, and I
have a real problem with that. Only if someone else could make
better use of it. What we really need is more shelves so we can
put away (and therefor find) what we’ve got more efficiently.
Aelfwine did get the (2000) taxes done, and sent off. We
still owed $33. That’s not too bad. I think his leg may be
getting better- at least he hasn’t complained about it lately. My
feet I think may be getting worse again, now that the treatments
have stopped. I’m going to give it a week so I’m sure; but over
the weekend I had one of those twinges that feels like someone is
driving a nail through my foot, and I hadn’t had one of those
recently. We WILL find the right treatment, eventually. Not being
able to stand long enough to wash dishes or fold laundry or
garden is NOT acceptable.
I’ve been thinking about aging (maybe too much) lately. As
we watch Aelfwine constantly- what is chemo side effects, what
could be signs of recurring cancer, what is normal living (What
IS normal for a 48 year old?), etc. I watch myself as well- my
distance sight is shot- I had to get a prescription change for
that for the commutes to Boston, my teeth are going, my foot
problems are keeping me from doing what I feel I should be able
to do. If I don’t take the glucosamine chondrointin supplements,
I get stiff and achey in the shoulders. Worst of all, my aphasia
and misphasia is more pronounced than ever. I’m old enough to
blame it on menopause, but I don’t want to blame it on anything,
I WANT to be able to speak coherently without worrying that I’ll
say something totally ridiculous and not notice it. I WANT to be
able to carry fifty pound sacks of feed from the car to the barn,
and be able to do anything from open jars to run the rototiller
for as long as it takes to get what I want to do done. Aelfwine
WANTS to be able to use the chainsaw for a couple of hours
without getting winded, and to be able to go back into the woods
and run around and hit people with a sword and have them take the
blow. These don’t seem like extraordinary ambitions. To be able
to keep doing what one has been doing for one’s adult life
doesn’t seem that ambitious.
But those are EXACTLY the things that seem to go when one
ages- the ability to see, to hear, walk a reasonable distance, to
chew food, to sneeze without wetting oneself, to dress oneself,
to think and speak, to communicate. As has often been observed by
others more sage than myself- there is a startling similarity
between old age and infancy. With some major differences: infants
are not generally handicapped in their sensory apparatus, and
they, as far as we know, don’t bear an expectation that they
should be able to do those things. Much of the frustration of
childhood is not being able to do for yourself, combined with an
inability to be able to convince those who do for you to do what
you want when you want it. We just accept that in children, and
they accept it too, with as much or as little grace as their
personalities give them. As far as I can tell, “growing old
gracefully” consists of accepting and adapting to your
infirmities as they crowd in. Personally, I expect to grow old
“disgracefully”, kicking and screaming and resenting every loss
of independence along the way.
I’ve noted for a long time that we, as a society, tend to
segregate our different age groups. It used to be that the
different characteristics of different age groups was with
etiquette- manners. Young people were taught to treat older
people with respect until they reached a level of experience so
that they knew why older people should receive some deference.
Now, we’ve dispensed with manners (perhaps the old should keep a
firmer hold of the purse strings) and not only do we not have the
accumulated skills, experience, and wisdom of the older
population to draw upon, we have also lost the ability to observe
how they deal with the problems of age. I’d love to be able to
see how it’s done. Several ways, so I can try out some of them
and see which suits me better. I’d also like to know what is
normal and reasonable- how do I know what to put up with, and
what to try and fix? It seems to me that most of my friends
bodies are falling apart even faster than mine, so I sure can’t
get much sympathy (although they may have some advice). Poot!
This week we took another Sharps video out of the library.
It was apparently a mini-series about a British soldier in the
Napoleonic Wars. I really enjoy it, except that so much of the
plot is advanced visually, I often have to ask Aelfwine what
happened while I wasn’t looking. I also took out the Elephant
Man- which I think was made in the eighties. Very powerful and
disturbing movie- although I haven’t yet figured out why exactly.
I finished reading The Skies of Pern, the latest Anne McCaffrey
novel- fifteenth in the series. I noticed on the jacket that she
lives in Ireland. I know that lots of artists and writers live in
Ireland for tax reasons, and it bugs me. Either the tax system
should be overhauled so it is fair enough that people who make
their living in the arts can survive on what they make, or they
are tax dodgers and should not be allowed to avoid paying their
fair share. Now what is it? Is the tax structure so badly
designed that it takes an unfair share from artists? Sadly, it
seems likely that that’s the case. Another reason to switch to a
flat tax.
There were a few stories I noticed didn’t get the attention
I would have thought they deserved this week. Did you see
anything about the outbreak of Mad Cow disease in Japan? (or only
multiple discussions of Anthrax scares?) I would have liked to
have seen better coverage of the raising of the Kirsk (which I
probably mis-spelled), and I really wish they were covering the
Drilling in ANWAR(the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge) better- I
don’t doubt for a minute that Bush is going to use the “War on
Terrorism” to justify setting aside environmental arguments
against that. But if we keep ignoring environmental problems to
solve immediate situations, we are going to continue to have to
deal with the problems of a population with Cancer, Fibro-
mialgia, Attention Deficit, and all the other health problems
that are increasingly prevalent. What does it take to make
safeguarding our health more important than pumping up the
economy?
In our household, of course, we take the historians eye view
of most current events. Fitz points out that Bin Laden has been
following the pattern of Sheikh Sidon Alamut (the Old Man in the
Mountain, founder of the Assassins) so far -at a higher tech
level of course. Apparently he started with destroying buildings,
to create chaos, then went after the heads of state (viziers)
While Aelfwine has been expecting some version of “poisoning the
wells” (water supplies of large cities), Fitz says that the next
“wave” (if the pattern continues) is attacks on the foreign heads
of state- probably Bush and Tony Blair. We’ll see. I expect that
the people in charge are watching both of those options already.
In a local note, there was a panel truck parked in Milford
that since a few days after the attacks had a crude picture of a
bearded guy in a turban with a missile aimed at his eye, and the
message that Bin Laden should look out, because America was
coming for him. Tacky, but understandable (it left me hoping that
this guy was not liable to go bombing Pizza parlors just because
the owners looked middle eastern). Last week some vandal spray
painted the word: “Tolerance” across the side of the truck, thus
displaying a very peculiar understanding of the word. This week,
it’s been repainted with the sentiment that those who want to
preach tolerance should go do it “to the Koran thumping
murderers”. People are strange- a never ending display of
infinite diversity.
Tchipakkan
“They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” – Benjamin Franklin
