Charge of the Yankee Goddess (Ayah)
Pull up a chayah and poah y’self a mug a coffee from the stove, and find y’self somethin to work ahn, `cause idle hands’ll find somethin’ stupid to do. And listen while we go ovah the wu’ds of the Great Mothah, who’s been called by many names, and if you ahn’t cayahful which ones you use, you may be eatin’ standin’ up foah mo’n a week. (It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it) But foah now, hush up and listen.
Those at know what’s-what have known who I was foah time outa mind, and when you find folk with moah sense than to shake a coon-cat, you can get togethah with’em as often as you can. If you do it when the moon is full, you’ll save on kerosene, and do it somewheah outta sight, heah? No need to upset the neighbahs.
If you have a lick a sense in you, I’ll teach you all you need to know, cradle to grave, because when you undahstand what you ah lookin’ at, you can go with the current, not against it, and you will be able to get everythin’ you need to done without wastin’ effoht.
You can worship me dressed in your birthday suit, like you was goin’ skinny dippin’, but if you do it before the last frost, afta the fust frost, or durin’ black fly or mosquita season, know that the sound of rumblin’ in the distance ain’t thundah, it’s Me laughin’ at you. I want all my children to laugh and dance and sing, and eat and drink, but use yoah heads- that’s what they’ah theah foh.
You may not be the brightest or the best, but you can always DO yoah best, and I’ll be with you foah the whole trip, and when yoah done, you come back home to my place to rest and put yoah feet up with friends befoah I send you off again.
I will tell you a mystery- sometimes life is hahd, but yoah makin’ it hahda by thinking it is. I want you to wohk hahd, play hahd, love hahd, and I want you to enjoy it all, the good with the bad, and afta you die, I’ll welcome you home, and explain the pahts you still don’t get, and let you do it ovah if youah a trifle slow.
Don’t you be wastin’ any of the blessings I give you in this wohld by way of sacrifices- if you need it, keep it, that’s why I gave it to you. If you don’t need it- pass it on to yoah kids and family and friends. I gave all these blessin’s to you foah you to use and shayah, and if you waste it, I’ll make shuah you want it latah. Ask Me foah what evah you might need, but be cahful what you ask foah, because I have a wiccid pissah sense of humah, and get a good laugh outta watchin’ slow lehnahs!
I want you to get together to lehn and to celebrate, and to get things done, and have a good time, and know Me. Do it often enough that you don’t fohget how, but also know that every single thing you do that is good, lovin,’ and useful is done in my honah and tickles me sumpthin’ feahce, so if you can’t do somethin’ foahmal, just go out and watch a sunset oh kiss ya’ sweethaht or enjoy a cold one, and know I’m theah with you, even if you haven’t tine to slow down between jobs. If you cahn’t get off on what I’ve set in front of yoah eyes, you ahn’t goin’ to find it in a ritual or building or book. I’m in theah already, always have been, always will be. If you don’t know that, ya cahn’t get theah from heah.